The worst part about the nagging: it is about blogging. It is not "remember to do something with your life." "Remember to use that topical ointment the doctor gave you for those sores." Nope, apparently blogging is the most important thing on her mind. Since blogging is so important to her, I will borrow her blog format. She is the only one reading this, so I figure I'll make it easy on her.
Lets blog it out.
My life in five points.
1. No Shave November. My roommates and I have made a pact that none of us will shave for the month of November. I'm not sure why I agreed to do this. I have never attempted to grow facial hair. The longest I have gone without shaving has been the five days I was in New York City and forgot my razor. Being reminded now of how scuzzy I become after two weeks of not shaving, it has taken all of my will power to not shave it off.Not only do I look terrible, I can't even remember the wager we made. There is a pride factor involved, manliness being a key component. I've never claimed to be manly though. The only reason I am still participating is because I know my roommates will crack before I do.
2. I am a single white male with a drinking problem. As they say, a recipe for hilarity. When I say I am single, this translates to I am a drunken shitshow, terrifying women throughout the Omaha metro area. Get excited ladies. Just think, you may get the chance to have an extremely intoxicated man make a pass at you. He might even invite you back to his bed, despite an absence of you showing any interest in him.Luckily, I have learned to own my faults instead of trying to pretend they don't exist.
The only reason this is even an issue is because the people in my life have made it an issue. My younger brother is talking about his wedding. My older sister has been married for coming on two years here. My younger sister is, at least in my parents mind, right around the corner from having a serious boyfriend (I have been informed by my kid sister that this is in fact not true.) Because of all this, my parents have started henpecking me about when I will settle down with a nice lady. My answer to this: fucking never. I am a misantropic son of a bitch. The chances of me finding someone I don't hate about ten minutes into talking to her are pretty slim.
In summation, I'm alive and alone and there has never been a better time to be this way.
3. Men should not have muffin tops. Some background: when I was 19 I weighed 310 pounds at my heaviest. By the time I was 22 I weighed 190. 120 Pound swing. Not bad for simply walking 3 miles a day and eating healthier. Two years later, I do not have time to go on walks or to the gym -- I am paying 40$ a month membership for a gym that I visit less frequently than the dentist. Now at 24, I weigh 220. A 6 foot 2 inch frame at 220 isn't huge but is by most standards overweight. I am a little disappointed in myself but I also realize I am still at a 90 pound net loss. So now I have laid out a plan, much like I did when I initially lost the weight. I have a monthly weight-loss goal. For example, by the end of this wonderful No Shave November, I plan to be down to 215, a loss of 5 pounds. Five pounds of facial hair.I plan to chronicle my weight loss here, much like Mellow chronicles his running fetish. And yes it is a fetish.
4. College is a whole hell of a lot easier when you attend class. The first time I attended college, I left with a 0 GPA. Now, an older, wiser, better looking me has decided to try it again. This time around I am attending classes (I've missed one because of the previously mentioned drinking problem), I am checking in with my teachers and I am studying. If I finish out the semester with the grades I currently have, I will walk away with at least a 3.5. My black lit class is up in the air because my professor does not feel like letting any of us know our progress. I'm assuming this is because he doesn't even know. I have a feeling I am going to put my transcript on the cork board in our dining room just like I am in grade school again.
5. I fucking love the Phoenix Suns. I love them. I saw them play the Bulls when I was in Chicago last weekend. Even with the mustachioed magician D'Antoni gone, they are still a wonderful squad. I know they will have another great regular season. I just hope they can get some playoff magic going. My roommate, an adamant Lakers fan (BOO!), and I ordered the league pass. I plan to watch every Suns game I can. Even ones against teams like the Bobcats. Why? Because I fucking love the Phoenix Suns.There you are Kathleen. An update on my life. I hope it was everything you hoped it could be. I hope you left with a feeling of satisfaction and this garners me a nag-free weekend.
